Cancer Season + A 2nd Cancer Moon

​Cancer season has been incredibly eye opening. It has been intense. It has been hard. But it has also been so amazingly beautiful and raw, and through the highs and the lowest of lows has been everything that we needed. (even if it isn't always what we wanted.) 

With my cancer moon it has been extra roughhh. I know throughout this season, I have fallen to the ground and sobbed uncontrollably more times than I could count. The sobs felt as if they were ripping through my chest and I could hear the strangest & saddest sounds, whimpers, and cries streaming from my open mouth. I'm pretty sure I even drooled at some points as energy flowed poured through me. It hurt so bad. And I was so so tired. (after all emotion=energy in motion and huge emotions can be incredibly draining on the physical body). 

It got to the point that I would curl up laying in fetal position until my tears ran dry. I wanted to give up. I didn't know what to do anymore or who I was. I felt so small so frail, and so weak, broken. And I felt hopeless. I didn't want to try again. But like a beat that drums on, something in me always moves forward, even when I don't want to. Even when everything in me feels like it can't. For something deep in my soul knows that it is in reaching these rock bottoms that we come face to face with who we truly are, why we do the things we do, who we do it for, when it started, what triggered it and what triggers it now. And It is from this deep void that we can begin again and rebuild ourselves. To realize and see the choices that have gotten us to where we are.

For it is in this deep dark night of the soul that the light begins to crack in. To pour in. And it is in the midst of this darkness that we see the light and love pour out from within ourselves. For it is here where we meet & see our soul self, our whole self. We see our higher selves, our inner child and our humanness & instead of condemning ourselves for it, or pushing it away we give ourselves the space to meet ourselves where we are in this present time & space & we love ourselves for it. We soften. We shift and we accept.

We begin to see the survival patterns we have picked up in order to protect or save ourselves. How it has gotten us to where we are. We begin to understand ourselves & we begin to forgive ourselves. We begin to see how in this space of vulnerability how strong we are. How we have gotten through everything that has tried to break us and take us away from ourselves and how no matter what, we have always risen from the ashes to be here today.

From here, we can begin to see how these same survival patterns from the past are what push away and keep us away from things, people, & life in the present. And it is here where we can meet our demons, our fears, our triggers and use them as a force of good as a way to understand ourselves and love ourselves on a deeper level. And although letting go of these things can be scary. (This is especially true if it is something that began when we were small and followed us into adulthood as a large part of our identity/ego and how we show up for ourselves, others & in the world is based upon this.) We realize that great chaos often proceeds great change. And instead of drowning in it, we begin to dance in the storm, the sea of emotions & its waves. We begin to flow through the feelings of this ever complex & ever changing human experience and it is here where we reflect the nature of things, for it is in our nature. After all, cancers are well known for their empathy, emotional awareness, flow & their feelings.

As such, it makes sense that this time & this season gives us the opportunity for great change. Cancers are highly linked to the subconscious & mama moon. Because of that this is a great time to make the subconscious conscious. To see and reflect on what has brought us to this point and to see what we need to release moving forward. After all, new moons are known for rebirths & new beginnings and today (like everyday) we get to choose with loving awareness for ourselves & all beings where we go and how we get there from this point forward.

Through going through this cancer season I truly see and know how much I have grown. I also know and see clearly the areas I still need to grow. But I have so much more patience and so much more love for myself. Right here and right now. And I am so damn proud of myself as I learn to flow within this sacred space of myself.

With that, if you're struggling or need some peace & clarity during the rest of this time of great change/chaos called Cancer season (it ends July 22nd) take a listen to the video & remember that at all moments you are always loved and supported and to breathe through it all. You got this. ​

My new moon day: 

I started my day off cleaning my boyfriend's apartment. I called & paid my WiFi bill & checked my emails. I made homemade pizza. I then spent the rest of my day in creative flow, following my heart & listening to the whispers of my soul that tell me what I want to do. And instead of forcing or feeling like I had to do something today, I invited myself to flow knowing I can and will accomplish everything from this state.

Pictured above & to the right is art by one of my favorite artists on instagram @lindsaywrapp. She captures the feminine flow & power so beautifully & she inspires me to embody this softness & sensitivity realizing it is what makes me brave & strong. With that I decided to step into my own femininity, my own divine acts of creating & began painting the piece below. I also voiced over my first spoken poem and uploaded it to my Youtube channel (Elysian on Earth)! I was definitely inspired by Lana Del Rey, so if this poetry video resonates with you, I would definitely go check her out!
I then journaled & wrote this piece on my blog making it a very productive but also low key day because I did what I wanted, when I wanted!

Now, to end my day, I am going to read my favorite series (Little House on the Prairie- I am currently on the third book Farmer Boy) drink some Four Sigmatic Hot Chocolate & make new moon water for cleansing & drinking going forward into this cycle. Overall, I had an amazing day, I gave myself the time to connect within myself and in doing so I naturally am able to connect to others from that sacred space. And I realize I could not be more thankful or so blessed. With that, I hope you have all had a magical day also! And remember, that I love you all always! 
​
​Elysian on Earth ☽